Our first Message is about the stress and trauma associated with abuse which are attributes linked with all forms of abuse. If I could grade abuse, I would do so on a number scale, in this order: 1. Neglect. 2. Physical.
3. Sexual. This is not to say that whatever form you went through is minimal. For all will affect you psychologically and mentally.
I won't belittle neglect. It can be devastating. No clothes, bad food, no soap, no tissue, poor housing, embarrassing furniture but still something close friends will lend understanding to. However, attaining adulthood can go a long way in alleviating that stress. Get 2 jobs as quickly as you can and supporting yourself is some of the best therapy you can obtain. And although I had scars in other places it was the first gift I gave myself that affected healing. It was easier than the second 2.
I will say though that emotional neglect is pretty equal to physical abuse.
Physical abuse, uh oh, I want to begin this by saying that I am not against corporal punishment. If you go to that school and curse that teacher out, I know of no greater marriage for that than a belt on a butt. And may your feeling of belittlement be felt the next time you are addressing that teacher before you open your mouth.
When I was a little girl and did whatever mischievous thing I had no business doing, I was corrected by my mother. Let's say I was writing while sitting on our new couch with an ink pen that uses an ink jar. I was told 4 or 5 times not to do that and then I wasted the ink on MOMS new couch. Before they can tell on me, I know what's going to happen. After a few slaps on the backside - I learned no more ink on couch. First I was corrected verbally, then it was the gluteus maximus that let the brain know, No More Ink on Couch. A learning experience. After mom, when I was beat, I wasn't beaten for doing something wrong. I was beat for someone doing wrong to me and reinforcing control, which kept my mouth shut for anything. It was control by fear. What a backward atmosphere to grow in.
After my mother, and I was in that abusive household, I was not corrected for ink on the couch, bad grades or skipping church, fun stuff the other kids were doing, but because I was a secret to be kept and it must have been great to have a family servant.
For that I was traumatized; beat all over the head and body with an extension cord. And to that add emotional neglect - there was no comforting involved. No one to put their hand on my shoulder to tell me I'll grow up to be something nice or great. Just the stress of a trusting nine year old adjusting to my psyche taking note of things I didn't know how to handle either physically or psychologically.
