In the Mind’s Eye
Dream On
I Don’t Mind
Happiness doesn’t start with a relationship, a degree, a job or money. It starts with your thoughts and what you tell yourself every day. The Secret @ The Secret Happy
The future is an exciting place. Don’t let the past hold you from it.
The past is an information bank from which you can learn. It is not a web in which you are caught.
Managing your mind.
Gillian Butler MD
Tony Hope MD
I remember in the ‘90s when President Clinton classified cigarettes as drugs. Having smoked other things, for me it is the hardest drug to quit. For all of a sudden, due to craving or habit, you pick up a cigarette and there you are puffing up.
Now a person who has never smoked might say, “you want to not smoke then don’t pick up the cigarette.” But a person knowing the habit of smoking can tell you it is more difficult than that. It is not that cut and dry. Addictions never are.
Smoking is a habit. If you want to quit, one of the first things you have to realize, is you have one in your hand. You habitually picked up the pack and there you go, puffing up. Thinking is the same way. …it starts with thoughts and what you tell yourself every day. We do many things in the course of a day, some good and some not so good, like smoking. We think many thoughts every day, some good and some not so good. One of the first things you have to realize is you have one in your head.
When you start to quit smoking cigarettes, you realize two things.
One. You want to smoke because it has been a while since your last cigarette and your body wants one so as to bring your nicotine level back up to a certain level so there is no craving.
Two. You want to smoke because it is a habit. We’ll say you were in your backyard at 12 noon and you smoke a cigarette-your nicotine level is up. At 12:15 you decide you want to drive to the store. You get into the car. What do you do? Light a cigarette. Why? That’s a habit; you like to smoke while you drive. And after sex. And after an argument. And after eating. It takes a certain mindset to change that.
We are addicted to our thoughts. We cannot change anything if
we cannot change our way of thinking Santosh Kalwar
I found it to be quite similar if you want to change the way/things you think. When you begin to stop thinking certain kind of thoughts at first, it’s kind of funny. You make up in your mind that you don’t want that kind there. As time progresses throughout the day you begin to catch yourself thinking negatively.
- I might as well not do it because it’s going to fail
- When I get home, I’m going to kill that kid
- If I fill out that application, they won’t hire me
- I may as well eat all the fatty foods I want because I’m going to die anyway
We think negative thoughts all day and we do so out of habit. Once out of the habit of negative thinking, it changes the way you feel and act just like when you cease to smoke. Your outlook, your self-esteem, your attitude thereby your altitude, your countenance, as well as your relationships become a little less strained by negative thinking and speaking. Okay, a lot less strained because your thoughts are better and you begin to grow.
One way to change your thinking is to think of something else. For instance, I’m gonna take that kid to Disneyland. Another thing to do is catch yourself thinking that thought and think something else like when smoking you use something else like sunflower seeds. Or think about things differently such as, ‘When I get home, I am going to talk to that kid and convince him that eating a whole box of cereal is unhealthy.’ And that goes for any habit that I can think of…smoking, wrong-thinking, stealing or lying…replace it with something
Happiness, success, striving, and overcoming starts with your thoughts and what you tell yourself every day. Then it stands to reason that we must control our thoughts. As I remember, my thoughts took upon the trait of faltering when I was 9 years old. It’s when I started to loop, or loopthink; a term I picked up from Psychology Today.
Loopthink—a re-occurring thought loop-a fixation on fears, motives or how we feel we should have acted. A by-product of anxiety or OCD.
It means somewhere, a thought or that place to visit in the mind when things get tough.
As I know now, it was to combat the things that were happening to me. I had come out of a normal happy home. And then I was put into another house where there were totally different sights, touches, sounds, smells…and tastes which were foreign and overwhelming. They were happening to me and I had no place to run. Or so I thought (age and hindsight is 20/20). But as it turns out I did run. I ran to someplace in my mind. I could not withstand these new things thrust upon my senses so my subconscious stepped in. It gave a tool to help this distressed individual escape from its present happenings. It is used to distract us from things we do not want to confront (straighttalkcounseling.org).
That organization says 94% of individuals have used it to cope with things such as the death of a loved one, divorce, or any distressing situation.
And since you have no physical place to run to in this foreign situation + you have this secret to keep, you think about something else-anything. It displaces the horror. Then the real you, the you that knows it is wrong for this to be happening becomes second fiddle sometimes. A normal loop can help people to deal with things that are too big to handle at that present time. They come to terms with the divorce or the death and then no more loop. One of the things that the impact of trauma depends on is the severity, duration, and frequency of the abuse. Therefore, a person putting their hand down your pants may not be as traumatic to you as visits to your room at night on a regular basis. In fact, with the former, quick intervention by attentive parents may not illicit looping at all.
I do remember when I first began to run, when I first started doing it. It was at 4114 W. Wilcox, Chicago Ill., in the apartment where the molestations began. I had not done so prior to age 9. Even as I remember hitting my cousin in the nose with that shoe, knowing my mother was about to tan my hide, I recall no place in my mind where I wanted to run and hide. If there was ever a time for me to place myself anywhere except reality, that would have been the time to do so. The reality of the situation was I was going to have to face reality on that deed I executed with help from my mother. As bad as a spanking, whipping, corporal punishment, or whatever one wishes to call it, is to a child, it does not require the defense of hiding in one’s own mind. I’m not talking about being burned with cigarettes, a person boxing back your ears with the fervor of Ali, being beaten with a bat, being tied to the bed with extension cords while being beaten with one. I’m talking about “go get the switch off the tree yourself” garden variety butt whipping. The kind where you could neither run nor hide because older siblings would catch you or know your hiding place. Unless…you went to that old lady’s house, down the street or around the corner, where she fed you cake until the whole thing blew over and everyone was happy to finally find you.
And one time my mother said “Celia, someone said you wrote those bad words on that building around the corner.” My answer was not from a place in my mind I ran to to get away. I’m sorry, yes it was. I went to “a” place and found a flat out lie. “No, I didn’t!” Dangit, how did she find out I did that? I guess I won’t be doing that again.
My loop became part of my life for years. Remember I had a kid at the age of 13. And although that was hard, I had to deal with the reality of it. No parent to pay my bills. No silly school girl weekend dances and over-nighters. No first job where I could keep all my money to myself (yeah okay, put some in the bank). Yes, I regressed to loop, it was familiar ground.
Dream-a cherished aspiration, ambition, or ideal
Dream-to indulge in daydreams or fantasies about something greatly desired
Fantasy-The faculty or activity of imagining things, especially things that are impossible or improbable
Fantasy-imagine the occurrence of, fantasize about
I went from playing hopscotch, playing in the fire hydrant water, riding my bike, then being abused, then straight to motherhood. Due to my life and motherhood, I had a dream. It was not to die and leave my kids alone and I did that all the way until my kids were adults. Okay, like most everyone else I did fantasize about being an actress or singer with a lavish lifestyle. Being those things takes action and in reality, my actions were cooking, cleaning and laundry. My life’s dreams and fantasies were lackluster. And I guess you can say that my fantasy was my loop. Or my loop was my fantasy.
Loop-thinking—someone molested me. From that my loop may be: I have an oozie, a mac 10, and an ak 47 and if I’m not paid my money I will kill. Now not only would that loop sustain me about the sexual abuse but also with being a young broke parent. And over and over again should I need to run.
NOTE: That was not my loop but let’s understand this thing. (That’s the easiest one I could come up with). It becomes habit. It always in your head. Like a cigarette in the hand. You do it after feeling sorry for yourself, after a remembrance, when something didn’t go right, etc.
If I had my mother I would have fared better. I don’t know that. If I had been raised by anyone else besides who I was left with I would have fared better. I don’t know that. That just lets me know what I thought of myself, my self-esteem. That I was in this predicament, that this is how my life is and right now(then) there is not much that’s going to be done about it.
Now we’ll say at the age of 20 I went to get a job. Now I get to see how much money I’ll make. Not much at all. That is on Friday and I start Monday. Guess what I’m going to do all weekend? Loop. With my mack 10 and ak 47.
Age 27. I see a couple that I know and they are going to Hawaii for a week and leaving their kids with their mother. I don’t have a mother. I’m not going anywhere. If I had my mom…
What am I going to do? Loop. Drink. Get High. Remember, Sexual Assault (SA) victims don’t make quality decisions a lot of times too.
Age 17. Sadie Hawkins this weekend. I have a kid and those girls don’t. If my mom…blah, blah, blah. Ak, tech 9. I wanna loop.
Age 10. I told my teacher I didn’t want to do that homework. She called to my abusive house. I’m going to get it like I killed someone. Guess where I’m going to run to? Loopsville.
Age 22. Why can’t I do much better for myself than what I’m doing? My reality is rather drab. Guess I’ll be getting high in a little bit. Guess where I’m going? Loop City.
Age 14. I have a little baby. Nearly time for high school. My life and my body aren’t like the other 14-year-olds. Time to loop.
Don’t get it wrong, you don’t spend all day just looping. You cook, go to the movies, go shopping and loop throughout the day, every day. Mixed in with the good productive loops are those negative ones, the ones that should not outweigh the positive successes.
About age 30. Sick of Looping. Sick of drugs and alcohol. I wanted a change; I wanted to do better. Something happens to you when you hit 30, especially women, I think. You know you’re definitely not a kid anymore. You are still young and beautiful but not a kid. And it happened really quickly. How did I get here? I want an answer and not the ak 47 one. I didn’t need a defense mechanism against trauma anymore, especially trauma I inflicted upon myself. I had turned looping into justification for handling anything. What a dirty little habit protecting myself from the trauma of long ago had evolved into. And at about the age of 30 I began to realize lots of things. I began to realize how I had this nasty little habit I wanted to change. But of course, I had to realize what kind of thoughts and when they occurred that I had in my head. And of course, just like with any other habit you will think it, or smoke it, just because it’s there. It is readily accessible waiting for you to use. Not because you need it but because it’s a habit and you are used to doing it. At that age I did know that it now did me no good to use those thoughts, so to keep using it to keep it up to a certain level was neither the case or the goal. Then with this cigarette, with this habit I learned not to do it while driving, after eating, when I was angry, or when things didn’t go as I had planned.
These things, these thoughts were part of my thought process every day. It was part of my life. Yes, it was. I surmised that it made me a rather angry and sad person. That’s because I had bad feelings and bad thoughts about myself, about my prior situation. Those are not happy celebratory thoughts. It concerned the indignation, resentment, and hurt that I felt. See, not necessarily that I thought I was inferior or something like that. I know that sounds like not true. Because I always kept a certain degree of cockiness, if you will. But because of something that was done to me. And I displayed that unhappiness too. Therefore, I beat myself up every day AND I blamed others. That way of thinking did not do me any good unless I had to go there to get here.
Recently I was angry with one of my children. Wait. I was by myself and angry with one of my children. Guess what I did. Wished them happiness. As I was there with just me. And then I kept it moving. I really accepted doing that. I actually thought better of myself. We really should let go of things that causes us anger. I was really nice to me all that day. Really. Situations like that does give you a better outlook, higher self-esteem, a more vibrant countenance and you have better relationships with most, however fleeting or longstanding. It made for a better me. Giving up that anger was like giving up a bad habit. And please, for the hardasses, know, that doesn’t put you in Suckersville, it takes you to Normality.
I like these 3 things that Marcus Aurelius says
- The soul becomes dyed with the color of its thoughts
- Our life is what our thoughts make it
- You have power over your mind-not outside events. Realize this and you will find strength
Change your thinking. If those 3 things are true, change your thinking. Let your future become an exciting place. And don’t let the past hold you from it. Develop a kick-ass way of thinking. Use your dreams and fantasies for the excitement life has to offer.
Here is something that may help you. It helped me. I am not a doctor and I do have a disclaimer on my site.
You know that traumatic thing that happened to you? Say out loud what happened to you. I don’t mean a one-sentence phrase like I was raped, I was beat. However, that may be a good start. What I did was sat with me and recalled out loud to me, exactly what happened. In detail. Another thing that may help you if you don’t want to or can’t do that is to write that garbage out on paper. Note: that seems better to me than doing it on a computer. Burn it when you’re done if you want to. As a matter of fact, I recommend that. It will be something that’s between you and you. (no pun intended)
I found that to be better than keeping it locked in your head. Running around in there playing second fiddle to your loops. And then maybe that thing that helped you preserve your sanity, and then kinda wouldn’t leave and grew abit, will diminish in capacity, then fade. That and you controlling your thoughts.